Expectations in a Relationship: I Am Dating A Man Who Hates Holidays + I’m Consistently Disappointed
It happens every single holiday. Even the ones that fall on the exact same date of the year. Like… Valentine’s day. It has been on February 14th since almost the beginning of time. Or Christmas…when was the last time they changed the date of Christmas? Probably Never. Or, even worse, your birthday…the one that’s been on the 22nd of May since you decided to leave your mother’s womb. So you can’t figure out for the life of you why, the dude, who chose to do life with seems to miss it. EVERY… SINGLE… YEAR! HOW? These expectations in a relationship are not hard.
In fact, it’s so fucking simple that you psyche yourself up every year. Hoping that this year is “your year” because you just know he won’t mess it up like he did last year. Especially, after that big fight you two had… he is sure to get it right this time. You even start the group chats with your girls pretending like you don’t care, “Girl, I don’t even know …. you know how Rodney is, I am not expecting much” as if dumbing down how you truly feel will make you feel less disappointed. You might even plan a girls night and rush to be the first one to cancel the holiday. “Honey, I’m going out with Ashley and Mia on Thursday, we can don’t have to dinner on Vday” or “Babe, I think we should spend our money on the kids, you don’t have to get me anything for Christmas” as if saying that will make you less likely to want something for Christmas or to go out for Valenyine’s Day.
It’s all insane. Here are some other ways you probably Self Sabotage by downplaying your expectations in a relationship.
Downplaying your Expectations in a Relationship
- You pretend like you don’t have any expectations. You’re the “it’s cool… go with the flow type person”
- You let your partner convince you that your expectations are dumb or childish or unnecessary
- You mask your expectations with the excuse that you are too busy to care (when you really do)
- For the sake of not arguing, you ignore your expectations.
None of these approaches to “peace” in a relationship is healthy. When you lie to yourself in order to appease someone else, you will become nothing more than a ticking time bomb that’s will eventually explode. When you downplay the things that matter to you, you place yourself on the road to resentment. Compromise is vital to a strong and healthy relationship but compromise does not mean abandon those things that make you spark. Compromise is a two-way street.
Your wants and feelings matter. The first step to escaping this one-sided partnership where you’re always the one bending and budging and your partner doesn’t flinch is to Own your truth. Know that you are an individual. One with specific desires wants, and needs. If you love that corny, made up holiday with perfume infused roses and chocolate covered strawberries; own that. If you feel like your birthday is the most important day of the year that must be celebrated; own it. Know that it’s okay for your partner not to agree with you. He or she doesn’t have to agree with you. They have to respect you as an individual and if they are worth keeping around, they should desire to do at least some of the things that bring you joy. So, you have to stop downplaying those things that make you smile.
If you have expectations in a relationship that matter to you, learn how to clearly communicate them to your partner and find solutions that work for both of you. But even if your partner never budges, know that no one has to agree with or like that things that make you happy or drive you forward in order for them to remain true for you.
Communicate Expectations in a Relationship: Don’t let Him Ruin Your Holiday
Lying to him or yourself about the upcoming holiday will never work but here is a little cheat sheet to help you effectively communicate what you desire and a checklist of what to do when he refuses to budge after you’ve clearly expressed yourself.
(This Guide is 100% Free…enter your name and email in the box below).
Also, comment below and tell me how he ruined your day… I’ve been there. Trust!